Finding Your Lobster

What love looks like when real life happens.

Every year when lobster season comes around, I inevitably think about Friends.

You know the episode.

“He’s her lobster.”

It’s one of those lines that stuck around because the idea is sweet — that somewhere out there is your person. The one who chooses you and keeps choosing you.

But the older I get, the more I think finding your lobster is about a whole lot more than romance.

When you’re younger, finding your person can sound like finding the person who gives you butterflies. The person you want to stay up all night talking to. The person who makes everything feel exciting and new.

But eventually, real life shows up.

Sometimes you’re not staying up all night talking anymore. You’re staying up because the baby won’t sleep.

You’re trying to remember who needs to be picked up, what appointment is coming up, whether there’s anything clean to wear tomorrow, what bill is due, which kid needs you, and whether you’ve eaten anything besides whatever was left on someone else’s plate.

And somewhere in all of that, love starts to look different.

It starts to look like someone noticing you’re overwhelmed and stepping in.

Someone who sees your family as something they are responsible for too.

Someone who doesn’t just say they support your dreams, but actually helps make room for you to have them.

Someone who takes care of you, not because you asked perfectly, but because they know you.

For me, that person is Andrew.

The person who helps hold it all together

People always say that moms are the glue that holds a family together.

And maybe that’s true.

But glue doesn’t always hold immediately. Sometimes it needs pressure. Sometimes it needs something there keeping the pieces in place while everything sets.

That’s Andrew for me.

He’s the clamp holding everything together while the glue dries.

Which might be the least romantic comparison I could possibly make about the man I love, but it fits.

Because loving someone is one thing.

Helping carry their life is another.

Andrew doesn’t just love me. He helps with the kids. He steps in when I’m overwhelmed. He supports the things I’m trying to build. He makes room for me to be more than just “Mom.” He helps keep things moving when I feel like I’m barely keeping up.

And most importantly, I don’t feel like I’m doing this life alone.

What that looks like in real life

It looks like him getting up before the rest of the world for work and still coming home ready to be part of this family.

It looks like helping with the kids when I’m overstimulated, exhausted, or pulled in five different directions.

It looks like making space for me to work on photography, chase ideas, set up backdrops, edit late, change plans, and keep trying to build something that matters to me.

It looks like stepping in when Lincoln needs more support.

It looks like carrying Everett, helping with the girls, fixing things, handling the stuff I can’t get to, and sometimes just recognizing that I’m done before I’ve even said it out loud.

It looks like being involved.

And I think that part matters.

Because there’s a difference between someone who loves you and someone who is willing to participate in your life with you.

So maybe that’s what a lobster really is

Maybe finding your lobster isn’t just finding someone you’re crazy about.

Maybe it’s finding the person who makes life feel a little less heavy because you know you don’t have to carry all of it alone.

The person who shows up in the loud seasons, the tired seasons, the messy seasons, and the really beautiful ones too.

The person who doesn’t just love you, but helps build a life with you.

The person who sees the family, the dreams, the chaos, the responsibilities, and still says, I’m in.

✨️I found mine. ✨️

And apparently, he’s also my clamp. 😂